Who's Life is it REALLY?

I'm tired of people telling me what to do. I feel like I am not in charge of my own life lately, and frankly, it's getting on my fucking nerves.

I understand that when I go to work that I have to do what I'm told. I get that, that's not the problem. It's other parts of my life. A lady at my church who is friends with my mom lectured me on paying rent so that my mom wouldn't have to get another part time job. Well woo hoo to you for standing up to me and all, but I can't afford it either. I'm in debt, big time. It's my own damn fault, I'm not blaming anyone for it, it's just that I can't always afford stuff either.

Oh, and this Sunday school class in church, it hasn't even started yet, and it's already getting on my nerves. WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET, and they already have all this stuff planned. And most of it's on a Sunday. Well GUESS WHAT, i WORK on sundays every other week. Oh, and I have a life outside of work and church, and I sometimes can't drop everything to do what they want. Half the events they have planned, I won't be able to be there. Plus, they planned them without even consulting half of us. It's getting on my nerves. I'm thinking about not even joining this class and staying down with the kids, because at least that is less frustrating and more rewarding. ugh, church should not be this HARD.

Speaking of having a life....I am actually doing some shit in Sept. I didn't get a vacation alllll summer, I didn't take a day off for hardly anything, and I am going to visit Waffles and then going to Atlantic City with Kassia. This is my mini vacation. I'm 22, if I don't have fun now, when exactly am I supposed to do it? And it's not like I'm doing anything big and exciting, I'm taking a long weekend and going to New Jersey. It just so happens that everyone and their brother has sooo much shit planned that weekend that I'm supposed to drop everything and join them. Well you know what? Maybe I don't WANT to make spaghetti for the church with you people. Maybe I don't WANT to go to the women's retreat with a bunch of ladies older than I am who feel the need to make me guilty because I'm not helping my mom out. Maybe I WANT to go the Atlantic City and drink, and gamble a little, and have stupid fun for a weekend with my best friend. Is that really such a crime? Really?

I just can't get over the fact that everyone seems to want to control my life lately. Maybe that's why my sleep schedule is the way it is. Because I can control that. I can't seem to control anything else.....

I'm just frustrated. And I can't seem to get un-frustrated and gain control. But I'm working on it....slowly.