BUSY

I have a lot to say, but not a lot of time to say it. I will be updating more on my life and experiences soon (if any of you actually read this), but I'm so busy right now, I just don't have the time!

huh

It's amazing how much can change in a week's time.

First off, one of the guys at work died (presumably from too much alcohol) and his girlfriend, who works in our department is taking it very badly (obviously). It just seems so weird to me that he's gone, because he was always calling or coming around to see her, and now he won't be there anymore. And he wasn't that old either, only in like his 40s. Sudden deaths like this sorta make you think about stuff like that. Makes you worry about the people you care for more, and makes you want to spend more time with them.

In other news, the person I dated last is back in the picture. And I'm SOOOO excited. S is awesome. And now i will not say anymore so i do not jinx it.

that's all for now. not much in life is different. have a date with S on tuesday, going to see waffles and company on saturday.

ANNOYING

do you know what bothers me sooo much, and yet people still continue to do it?
People who leave voice mails on my phone.

I don't know why it bothers me, it's just such a hassle to go in and listen to it. Just text me! So much easier! and i can answer it at times when i can't pull out my phone, and listen to the voice mail....blah blah blah

On the other hand, I don't answer my house phone, so it bugs me when people DON'T leave a message there....(like my dad, he'll call like 3 times in a hour, but not leave a message). I guess cause they can't text the house phone? And it's soooo much easier to check the house messages? I have no idea.


I'm crazy, i'm aware of this. But i just had to put that out there.

Who's Life is it REALLY?

I'm tired of people telling me what to do. I feel like I am not in charge of my own life lately, and frankly, it's getting on my fucking nerves.

I understand that when I go to work that I have to do what I'm told. I get that, that's not the problem. It's other parts of my life. A lady at my church who is friends with my mom lectured me on paying rent so that my mom wouldn't have to get another part time job. Well woo hoo to you for standing up to me and all, but I can't afford it either. I'm in debt, big time. It's my own damn fault, I'm not blaming anyone for it, it's just that I can't always afford stuff either.

Oh, and this Sunday school class in church, it hasn't even started yet, and it's already getting on my nerves. WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET, and they already have all this stuff planned. And most of it's on a Sunday. Well GUESS WHAT, i WORK on sundays every other week. Oh, and I have a life outside of work and church, and I sometimes can't drop everything to do what they want. Half the events they have planned, I won't be able to be there. Plus, they planned them without even consulting half of us. It's getting on my nerves. I'm thinking about not even joining this class and staying down with the kids, because at least that is less frustrating and more rewarding. ugh, church should not be this HARD.

Speaking of having a life....I am actually doing some shit in Sept. I didn't get a vacation alllll summer, I didn't take a day off for hardly anything, and I am going to visit Waffles and then going to Atlantic City with Kassia. This is my mini vacation. I'm 22, if I don't have fun now, when exactly am I supposed to do it? And it's not like I'm doing anything big and exciting, I'm taking a long weekend and going to New Jersey. It just so happens that everyone and their brother has sooo much shit planned that weekend that I'm supposed to drop everything and join them. Well you know what? Maybe I don't WANT to make spaghetti for the church with you people. Maybe I don't WANT to go to the women's retreat with a bunch of ladies older than I am who feel the need to make me guilty because I'm not helping my mom out. Maybe I WANT to go the Atlantic City and drink, and gamble a little, and have stupid fun for a weekend with my best friend. Is that really such a crime? Really?

I just can't get over the fact that everyone seems to want to control my life lately. Maybe that's why my sleep schedule is the way it is. Because I can control that. I can't seem to control anything else.....

I'm just frustrated. And I can't seem to get un-frustrated and gain control. But I'm working on it....slowly.

Question for all of you out there

All right, this is a question to all of you out there who have ever dated someone. Where do you find these people?

I look for girls online. My mom is not a fan of this, and suggests I look for dates elsewhere. I went to a club/bar. That is also unacceptable. So all I got left is work and church....unless someone else can come up with some other option for me.

*I like meeting people online, my mom just seems to have a problem with it

The world is better through rose colored glasses

It's actually really nice out today. After the rain, and the humidity, and all the gross awful weather lately, it was actually nice out on the way home. And that made me feel better. I've been in a awful funk lately. Things have no only not been going my way, but they have just SUCKED.

I feel normal right now. I haven't felt normal in ages. I think i need counseling. Or new meds. Or less meds. I dunno. But i like not being pissed at everyone. i like feeling like ME.

Well I would, but....

It seems like every sentence that is uttered from people's mouth's including my own lately start with: well I would, but....

Well I would date you, but I have a gf/bf.

Well, I would have sex with you, but well.....no (i'm not having sex out of a relationship)

Well I would LOVE to go a vacation with you, but I have no money.

Well I would do that for you, but (insert lame excuse here).

I'm having a really bad week. I'm PMSing and instead of getting angry or horny or really happy, this month I'm weepy. And these are the months that suck the most. I let people walk all over me, I feel like I have to cry all the time, sometimes for no reason, and I just feel insecure about everything. Oh, and I pretty much just want to sleep all the time and bawl my eyes out for no apparent reason.

I hate my hormones.